My life is full of worries, turmoil and strife. Just yesterday when I was trying to put up a new TV antenna, I had to interrupt the work to the hardware store. I left my ladder up and the wind blew it down and damaged some shingles on the garage roof; so I have been fretting about that, even though the damage is very minor. Still it will take some precious time to replace or patch the shingle(s), and now the roof is not perfect anymore, just like a car that gets its first scratch. Trying to live with perfection in a very imperfect and finite world is a great problem for me, and it causes me no little amount of frustration. I get frustrated with the way things are, with others, and most of all with myself.
Yet in the midst of it all, I try to remember my true connection to the divine indwelling within me. And indeed I must return to that reality over and over in the prayer of touching this presence. In those moments I am reminded of why I exist, the purpose of my life, which is to awaken to my divine nature and the divine nature of everything. How easily I forget.
I have been reading once again Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation. I am now on the chapter entitled The Gift of Understanding. My last time through I wrote this in the margins on p. 228. “…To accept the life of the Giver, without needing to or trying to possess it. There is no self to hold onto this gift; only the silent communication of receiving the life of the Giver and mirroring that life of love back.” I am grasping at understanding here, and that is fine. My reason is touched by faith, and my faith is strengthened each time I remind myself to see with awakened eyes and heart.
Right now, as I write this, I am sitting at the dining room table and looking out the window at the dawning of this new day. And, Oh my God, what a gift it is! I live by the generosity of God infinitely being given to me in and as my life and the life of everything around me. There is at this moment the squirrel high in the branches of the bare trees across the road. There are a few red clouds off on the horizon lit up by the rising sun. There is so much beauty everywhere I look, and it is all constantly poured out as the infinity of God infinitely sharing Being in and as the very being of everything. And still I need to keep reminding myself of this.
I will get drawn into the worries and cares of this day, but will I stop and remember whose I am and who I am? Can I enter through the narrow gate in my heart into the spacious rooms of a Love always present, even in my absence. That narrow gate is the gate of heaven. I am a temple of the divine presence; everything is likewise such a temple.